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Culture

What Are the Different Types of Marriage Counseling Questions?

By Lori Kilchermann
Updated May 17, 2024
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Common marriage counseling questions involve seeking information about a couple's relationship, wants and needs. Reasons for disagreements, frequency of arguments and periods of quality time spent together are just a few of the many marriage counseling questions asked when attempting to solve marital problems. Many counselors prefer to question married couples in three stages: the husband alone, the wife alone and the couple together. Information and clues gathered during asking marriage counseling questions can aid the marriage counselor in getting to the root of the couple's problems. Occasionally, the counselor will allow the couple to ask each other questions since that is typically the ideal manner in which to find what is most on each individual's mind.

Initially, many couples are threatened and put off by the probing style of marriage counseling questions. The counselor must gain the couple's trust in order to allow them to open up and be truthful during counseling sessions. Often, thoughts about children, in-laws and even religion are part of the many marriage counseling questions that are used to identify potential difficulties. In marriages that contain children from past relationships, the counselor may ask about feelings towards the children or dynamics within the child, step-parent relationship.

Common to nearly all marital problems are issues of money and finance. The marriage counselor often concentrates large portions of marriage counseling questions on the financial condition of the couple as well as the status of bills due and behind on payment. Occasionally, the habits of the individuals will come into play and the counselor will attempt to seek information concerning the feeling of one towards the actions and free time habits of the other. Many problems in a relatively new marriage will center around friendships of each respective person in the couple and the effects on the partner.

Running a very close second to financial difficulties with couples comes personal relations. The counselor will commonly ask marriage counseling questions regarding sexual frequency, unwelcome requests and levels of intimacy concerning the dedication and commitment towards pleasing the other partner. In a marriage that is suffering difficulties relating to the recent birth of a child, certain marriage counseling questions might revolve around the fear of another pregnancy or the level of attraction one partner feels toward the other. After a battery of questions delving into all aspects of a couple's married life, the marriage counselor will usually arrive at a conclusion that will aid the couple in working past any problems.

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Discussion Comments

By John57 — On Nov 07, 2011

When my daughter and son-in-law went to marriage counseling, the counselor met with them together for several sessions before meeting with them individually.

I know that most couples have money as a big source of their problems, but one of their biggest issues was cleaning the house.

She likes things neat and tidy and he is very sloppy. This was really a big source of contention and friction for them.

Going to marriage counseling was the best thing they could have done for their marriage.

Even though they were asked some uncomfortable questions, they kept working on things and have found a way to compromise and work together.

By Sinbad — On Nov 06, 2011

@runner101 - I think that is a great plan! I have some married friends that almost did that exact plan, but they did wait until some minor things started happening, for example, I think they started to not communicate as well together so they went to a marriage counselor and felt it was very helpful.

I would like to see there is online marriage counseling. I'm a very private person and I feel that I would at least feel like I could maintain some privacy with an online professional as opposed to one that lives in my community!

By runner101 — On Nov 05, 2011

My husband had the best idea - to start marriage counseling before we actually ever *need* marriage counseling. This way the marriage counselor knows where we came from, what we were like pre-rocky marriage as opposed to just what we are like during the rocky times.

The unfortunate thing is that marriage counseling is not covered by our insurance! So we will wait for better financial times to take my husband up on his brilliant plan. But I wanted to pass it on to other married couples because I think it could be helpful.

By Agni3 — On Nov 04, 2011

@Sailorjerry – Wow! What an eye opening moment I just had reading your post!

My husband and I reached out for counseling many years ago due a whole potful of marital problems, which were in no small part because of my his bipolar condition.

He had been untreated for years (he was undiagnosed) in which time our finances, home and relationship were nearly completely ruined.

We went to a marriage counselor together, and my husband also had counseling on his own for his bipolar disorder. We had been to this counselor perhaps twice, when he pulled me to the side and suggested I counsel with him on my own.

I was totally taken aback by this because I wanted to mend my marriage, not be pitted against my husband. We quit going to him altogether.

However, now I’m wondering if he hadn’t realized what I realized shortly thereafter. My husband was a manipulator, and he was very emotionally and mentally abusive. The fact that he was not stabilized himself made this an even greater issue.

I wonder if this therapist didn’t see that as well. Unfortunately, I was not in a place to understand that could have been the case at the time.

By lonelygod — On Nov 03, 2011

@manykitties2 - I would recommend that you get your friend to go to pre-marriage counseling, but at a neutral office, one that is not affiliated with the church. This should put both parties at ease.

My friend went through a similar scenario and while they liked the idea of free pre-marriage counseling they didn't want to have to do it through the church do to a serious conflict of interest. I think that it is still better to get those tricky questions out of the way early though, as a healthy marriage really does need to answer those couple counseling questions at some point.

By manykitties2 — On Nov 03, 2011

Can anyone tell me what kinds of things would come up in pre-marriage counseling questions?

My friend is getting married and his fiance's church is insisting that he and his fiance go for pre-marital counseling before the minister will marry them. Apparently the church she goes to is worried a lot about the high divorce rates and wants to get probing questions out of the way before it is too late.

While I agree that going over potential marriage issues is probably a good thing, I worry that the church assigned minister will make my friend, the non-religious fiance anxious. He is a close to me and I know that they are already have differing opinions about where they are getting married.

By MrsWinslow — On Nov 02, 2011

@SailorJerry - I'm glad your friend finally got help. Marriage and family counseling can be a real boon to couples that are on more equal footing, but like anything else, it's important to find the right person. I wonder if a different therapist would have been able to spot the dynamic between the couple. My husband and I sought counseling last year - the stress of infertility was getting to us - and it took us three tries to find someone we both liked.

I've actually never read it, but I keep seeing "The Gift of Fear" being recommended for people who might be in abusive relationships.

By SailorJerry — On Nov 02, 2011

I just want to throw out there that family and marriage counseling are not for abusive relationships or relationships in which one partner is clearly dominant. In that case, the abused or subordinate partner *must* seek individual counseling.

I had a friend who was in an emotionally abusive marriage, but being in it, she just couldn't see it like we on the outside could. She and her husband got counseling together for over a year. Her husband dominated the conversation and because he's really very charming when he wants to be, he had the therapist eating out of his hand.

Finally, a few of her friends got together with her sister and staged a little intervention. We got her to agree to see a counselor on her own, and it made all the difference in the world.

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